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Sharing our love for authors, and the stories they are inspired to tell.

Meet Norma Budden, The Author Of ‘If Only’

Exactly two weeks to the day since the release of If Only and several excellent ratings and reviews later, author Norma Budden has stopped by with a thought provoking and poignant guest post, about one particular aspect arising from the storyline of the book.

“How Do You Successfully Parent Your Grown Children?” draws a parallel with her own feelings about parenthood and more particularly fatherhood, which Norma discusses in relation to If Only.

Just a quick re-cap of the storyline and then it will be over to Norma …

‘IF ONLY’

While still in high school, Demi gave birth to a baby girl and, feeling she had no other options, put her up for adoption. Having moved on with her life – gotten married and having had two other children – 16 years later, Demi Glenn suddenly cannot get her firstborn daughter out of her mind.

After hiring two private detectives but getting no solid information to go on, Demi turns to the one man who will not come back empty-handed, who will not give up until he finds the answers – David Alexander, a married father of two daughters – the father of the baby she had given up so long ago who had no idea he had sired a child as a teen.

Together, will they be able to find their daughter without their families being torn apart or will fate intervene, upsetting their lives in a way they’d never dreamed in the pursuit of finding the daughter they can no longer live without?

Hi! I’m NORMA BUDDEN

Image Of Author Norma Budden

Home is currently in Arctic Canada where I have lived for more than two decades. Administration Manager by day and writer/mother/grandmother by night, I know what it’s like to be busy and I appreciate moments of solitude, perhaps, more than the average person.

Though my first serious attempts at writing involved poetry and song, I later went on to write non-fiction titles. However, over recent years, my truest passion seems to be in writing stories to appeal to readers’ emotions, with a touch of mystery and romance built in.

I am the proud author of the Freedom in Love Series which, currently, has three titles published: An Affair to Remember, When Love Abides and Soul Confessions. Divided Loyalties and The Promise, the fourth and fifth titles of the series, will be released in 2015.

I have also written other novels and short stories and I am in the process of promoting this, my newest release, If Only – a full-length stand-alone novel which readers claim can easily be turned into another series. However, at this time, my intention is to write other stand-alone titles to draw in readers who rarely read books published as part of a series.

Back to If Only. This story is different because, although I have written inspirational fiction titles in the past, this is my first venture into the paranormal. If Only introduces you to Demi and David, both married to other people, with two small children. However, Demi and David had a past – a past which involved the birth of a baby girl, whom David didn’t know existed.

As the story progresses, David learns about his oldest daughter and the connection the two share is so powerful that it has been said the story wouldn’t be the same without it. The story is affecting readers in ways that I never dreamed I would learn.

Catch up with all my news at my Website

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Image Of Author Norma Budden

“How Do You Successfully Parent Your Grown Children?”

I’ve been thinking about parenthood, especially as it relates to my new release, If Only. I’ve been thinking a lot about Phillip Alexander, David’s father. Although David is a wonderful father to his own small girls, he is still Phillip Alexander’s grown child and sometimes, I know Phillip’s heart breaks at the situations his son has to face, the emotions he has to battle.

I’m a parent but, of course, I’m also someone’s child. I understand both roles and the feelings associated with each.

As a child, regardless of how I felt or what I was going through, the last thing I wanted was to feel that someone was judging me – for a feeling I had, or for something I had said or done. If I made a bad decision, I’d feel bad about the consequences; I wouldn’t need someone to compound on it, because that would make me feel even worse.

As a parent, I know what it’s like to watch my children make mistakes. When they were younger, I prevented them from happening whenever I could. For example, when they were learning to cook, I couldn’t stand by and let a pot boil dry because they forgot to turn off the stove. When they tried running a bath themselves, I had to test the water temperature to be sure they wouldn’t burn when they put their foot in the water.

As my children have gotten older, the potential for different kinds of mistakes have come to the surface. Sometimes I would jump in and control a situation – to prevent an argument between my children or my child and someone else, for example. Other times, I would let them learn from their mistakes. If it was cold outside and they refused to wear ski pants, insisted on walking without them, they would soon learn they should have listened to me and put them on. No harm done, but a lesson learned.

Then, as my children grew still older, there were different kinds of mistakes they could make. They didn’t take some things as seriously as they should have. They didn’t look at every date as a possible lifetime mate. They didn’t think ahead to the future consequences they may have to suffer because of their actions. I could talk to them, try my best to direct them but, in the end, I wasn’t going to have a battlefield in my home. Sometimes they would just have to learn the hard way, even though I loved them and hated the thought of what they might have to endure.

Well, Phillip Alexander is still a father, even though his son, David, had moved away from home several years earlier, even having a family of his own. Throughout the years, they’ve remained close and now, re-reading If Only, I can understand why. The main reason I see for their closeness is that Phillip loves his son without a string of conditions attached; he also doesn’t judge him.

Phillip sees the affect Demi coming back into David’s life has on him. Phillip knows within his heart, despite what his son says, that he is falling in love with Demi again. Within his own spirit, Phillip is at war. He has always loved Demi like a daughter, but he knows she’s married. In his heart, he knows a marriage is something which should be looked upon as being sacred, no matter how difficult it may seem at times.

Phillip counseled David, told him to be cautious of his steps, even pointed out possible consequences which could arise if David made certain decisions. Despite his personal convictions, at no point in If Only – where David’s feelings for Demi were concerned – did Phillip dictate what his son’s actions were to be. For good or ill, he had shared what was upon his heart, as a father who loved his son. It was up to David to decide what he would do about his circumstances.
I admire fathers like Phillip Alexander. These are the types of fathers whose children want to do anything for them as they grow old, the types of fathers whose children are a part of their lives as long as they live.

Image Of Author Norma Budden

Thanks for having me

Norma Budden

Thanks for stopping by Norma. I look forward to reading If Only for myself and would like to wish you every success with both this book and any future projects. It was a pleasure to meet you :)

Written by
Yvonne

I can’t remember a time, even as a child, when I haven’t been passionate about books and reading.
I began blogging, when I realised just how many other people out there shared my passion for the written word and I have been continually amazed at the wealth of books that are available and the amount of great new friends I have made, from literally 'The Four Corners Of The World'.

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13 comments
  • Great guest post on an interesting topic and great way to draw it back to If Only. It’s definitely a challenge watching your adult kids make mistakes and wondering if and when to step in without crossing boundaries.
    The book sounds good! Enjoy your weekend 🙂

    • Hi Naida,

      I always leave a blank page for when authors agree to write a guest post. That way I seem to have had such really interesting posts, covering an intriguing array of subjects.

      Norma was very clever in her choice of post, as not only is it such an interesting discussion topic in its own right, but as you say, it links back so neatly to ‘If Only’, which also keeps things very focussed on the main priority, the promotion of the book!

      ‘Crossing the boundary’, is such a great way of putting relationships in general, don’t you think. When does caring become interfering? … When does advice become an instruction? … When does helping out become a call to action? I think this applies equally between friendships as it does between family members and we all get it wrong sometimes!

      Thanks for taking the time to stop by and join the discussion. I always value your opinions and comments and I hope that all is well with you 🙂

  • Wonderful guest post! Having lost both of my parents when I was quite young, I never had the opportunity for an adult child/parent relationship until my own got older. Of course I can understand how different it is from the parent side, too, considering I’ve already made so many of the mistakes from which I want to spare them. I find it’s a very fine line we have to walk as far as letting them fend for themselves and reading out to help…especially when it comes to those things that might require “tough love”. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that being a parent never gets easier. It just changes. I don’t care how old they get, they’ll always be my babies. 🙂

    Thanks to both of you for giving us this chance for such interesting discussion. And the more I hear about it, the more I want to read the book!

    • Hi Kelly,

      I guess I can only see this debate from one perspective, as never having had children of my own, I really don’t know how I would have handled those ‘tough love’ situations. Being very close to my nieces, I would like to think that I would have handled things as well as their parents seem to have done!

      My own mother was very much lost to me at quite a young age through multiple sclerosis, although she only finally passed away a couple of years ago, so once again I missed out on the ‘tough love’ experience from the other side of the divide.

      I can see however, just how my in-laws still relate to my husband and his siblings, albeit that they are all now over 50 and the in-laws are well into their 80s. They echo pretty much the same sentiments as yourself “We don’t care how old you all are, you will still always be our children …” I suppose that my own personal circumstances being what they are, I can sometimes find it quite difficult to relate to the close bonds which they still try to exert over the three children. I am much more self sufficient and self reliant and tend to keep my own council about our private life.

      Thanks for stopping by and taking part in such a interesting discussion. I hope to get to read ‘If Only’ before too long and hope that you might also consider adding it to your TBR pile 🙂

      • I also tend to keep my own council or talk with the closest of friends when I go through situations and need to bend an ear. Even so, if my parents were to offer suggestions, I would definitely consider them but, in the end, I’ve relied on myself for so long now that I’ve grown used to making decisions and waiting – sometimes with baited breadth – to learn what the outcome would be.

        • Don’t misunderstand, while they’ll always be my babies, I don’t interfere at all in their lives, almost to the point of being “distant” at times. I usually leave it up to them to keep the lines of communication open. (Though they know I’m always here if they need me). That said, one calls on an almost daily basis (or texts). The other two, who ironically live within 15 minutes of our house, much less often. Despite that, I’d say we’re all fairly close. They know I’m willing to offer opinions, but ultimately choices and decisions are theirs. And, patting myself on the back, both sons-in-law would likely say I’m a good mother-in-law. 🙂

          • Hi Kelly,

            We live about 50 miles away from each of our parents, although in completely opposite diections. My Dad, I get on much better with now, then I perhaps did in the past, although he is very much like myself and my brother, very private people, who don’t tend to open up to each other, or anyone else, very easily.

            I would also say that my in-laws are good people. They have always welcomed me into their family and respect our privacy, although we know that they would always be there for us if we really needed them. I am constantly being pulled up by friends and work colleagues, because I have always called them ‘Mum and Dad’, in the entire 36 years we have been married. It has never crossed my mind to call them by their christian names, which is apparently the correct protocol, as they are not my own parents!

        • Hi Norma,

          Hubbie and I have always been of the view that we, as adults, should be self sufficient and stand on our own two feet, especially given that we have never had children of our own, which seems to make this more of a priority issue for us. We very seldom confide our problems to anyone, including parents and over the years we have probably made some real humdingers of mistakes!

  • Thanks to Norma for such a thought provoking and considered post. I guess like a lot of other people I have strong thoughts about some of the issues raised here.

    • Hi Tracy,

      It is so good when a post can cause such a riot of discussion, but then the book deals with so many issues other than simply parenting grown children, this was just an excellent spin-off post by Norma.

      I know that due to the time constraints placed on me by the book’s release date, my various promotional posts for ‘If Only’ have appeared closer together than I would normally have scheduled them, however I can’t remember when a book has attracted such keen interest, for a whole variety of reasons.

      I guess that you are going to keep your thoughts to yourself on this particular subject, but I still thank you for taking the time to read the post and leave your comment, I always appreciate your input 🙂

      • Yvonne,

        I am so happy you’ve had such response to the posts you’ve made on behalf of If Only. I can imagine that a part of that response stems from the thought-provoking responses you make to comments. I’ve enjoyed reading every post you’ve written, whether or not I made a comment.

        When I write another stand alone title, I’ll be sure to give you more time so that you may even be able to write a review during the time frame. Now that I’ve discovered you and your site, I couldn’t imagine otherwise. 🙂

        Norma

        • Thank you so much for those lovely thoughts and words Norma, I really appreciate them.

          Having such an inclusive author, who is willing to participate in conversation with the reader, is to my way of thinking, so important and you have been there every step of the way.

          I would like to wish you every success with ‘If Only’ and any future projects you embark on 🙂

Written by Yvonne

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