‘FEEL ME FALL‘ By James Morris
I have tried so hard to forget, but memory is a stubborn thing. Memories linger no matter what I do. They’re there all the time – and worse. Even my dreams aren’t safe. I have vicious nightmares, and they’re real – too real – and suddenly I’m back there. I can’t will them away, I can’t squeeze them away, and the more I try, the more they burrow in my head. I want to cut open my skull and dig my fingers into my brain and just pull them out.
I press the Call Nurse button.
This place, this room; it’s no better than a white coffin. Sometimes I feel like the walls are closing in on me and I have to remind myself nothing’s moving. Nothing at all.
Breathe, I tell myself. Just breathe.
A nurse enters. She’s got skin the color of rich walnut. She says, “It’s late, you should be asleep.”
“I can’t.” She tilts her head, knowing it’s a lie. The truth is I don’t want to. “Can I have some coffee?”
“You’ve got to sleep sometime, honey.” She walks over and gently grasps my bandaged hand. “Do you want me to stay with you a while?”
Usually my mom is with me, but she must’ve had to run home. Reduced to a little girl, I nod.
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